viernes, 9 de marzo de 2007

La corbata y el ahorcado

Desde que tengo uso de memoria he detestado las corbatas. Sin embargo, algún perverso maleficio me obliga de manera repetitiva a maltratar mi cuello con este lazo inútil.

La primera que recuerdo es una corbata roja que tuve que usar al disfrazarme de torero en el primer año de kindergarten. Con un traje de luces sangre y oro y medias rosadas, parecía el sueño prohibido de algún diabolico pedófilo. Luego vino el coro, en el colegio. Como se puede esperar que alguien cante como los ángeles, cuando se encuentra en pleno proceso de ahorcamiento? Y la primera comunión, la confirmación... memorias lejanas antes de la iluminación que me llevó a salir del camino justo y verdadero.

En mi período dorado adolescencial, me encontré con la absurda obligación de ponerme corbata para entrar a discotecas un ligeramente exclusivas. La hipocresía de ese sistema era inmensa, porque media hora después el 90% de los que habíamos ingresados con facha de stockbrokers se habían convertido en una horda de apaches, con la corbata en la frente.

Durante la época de la universidad sólo tuve que ponérmela para las bodas de amigos, parientes y conocidos, y para las fotos del título. Pura fachada. Cuando se iba acercando el momento de entrar al mundo laboral, sospechaba que estaba condenado, porque no recordaba a ningún administrativo que no tuviera su cadena de colores al cuello. Por suerte, en estos años he trabajado en una oficina lo suficientemente relajada como para no tener que sufrir un ahogamiento continuo, de lunes a viernes, horas extras incluidas.

Salvo, como es el caso de hoy, reuniones de extrema importancia. Voy camino a la Presidencia del Consejo de Ministros para definir la asignación de unos dineros al proyecto en el que trabajo, y desde ayer mi directora me hizo entender, de forma bastante asolapada, que tenía que presentarme con un look determinado. Donde manda capitana no manda marinero, menos aún grumete, así que a aguantarse y adelante con el suicidio.

Lo que más detesto, a parte la casi total incapacidad de respirar, es soportar los pseudo piropos de las señoras. Eso de qué guapos estamos hoy me fastidia enormemente, especialmente porque implica que normalmente soy alguna especie de monstruo desfigurado, y ponerme un terno y una corbata me transforma en el príncipe azul.

No fucking way. La belleza humana, es notorio, se ve mejor mientras menos cubierta esté por atuendos sin sentido. Y no hay nada más nonsense que una corbata, de eso estoy seguro.


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te apoyo en tu sentir andar por ahi ahorcandose, pero si esos tiempos ya pasaron ahora la moda es la camara de gas. jajaja. no inventen mas porkerias porfavor mi jefe todos los dias me obliga a ponerme corbata y asi sufrir el ahogamiento eterno de sentirse de mejor clase por un estupido pedazo de tela.

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